Issue 43 - Read Time: 2 minutes 26 seconds

Ever felt like you're in a tug-of-war with love?

You crave intimacy, but the moment it gets too close, something in you flinches. It's as if your heart leans in, but your body pulls away.

That push-pull is more common than we think.

Many of us carry this dynamic in our relationships. We long for closeness and connection, yet we push it away just when it arrives. So why is that?

Let’s start by recognizing that we are co-regulating creatures.

At the most basic level, our nervous systems want and need other human beings to help regulate us.

As babies, we are completely incapable of self-regulation. That’s why caregiver support is so crucial. This is how our attachment patterns form. We need connection.

But what happens when connection also carries pain?

You may have had an experience where someone really hurt you. Deeply.

That wound is stored right alongside your longing for closeness. So now, there’s a conflict.

Your most essential need is to let people in, and your survival instinct is to keep people out. Push. Pull. Push. Pull.

This can get confusing fast.

So here’s one way to clarify it: assume that connection is non-negotiable.

You need it. With that understanding in place, start getting curious about the “push” survival strategy.

• Is it still needed?

• What happens in your body when you feel the urge to pull away?

• What or who makes you feel safe enough to stay?

Try this…

The next time you notice that push-pull in action, pause. Close your eyes.

Ask yourself gently, Where is that urge living in my body? See if you can stay with the sensation for just a few breaths without doing anything to fix or escape it.

This is how we step out of judgment and back into agency.
This is how we stop reenacting old survival patterns and begin to relate from presence.

It's a quiet kind of revolution.

If you're navigating this dynamic yourself, or supporting others who are, come explore more with us inside the Attunement Collective. It's free, and it's a space where your nervous system gets to belong too.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

If you missed my previous announcement regarding Attunement Collective here is your invite!

I recently decided to give away as much of my knowledge and coaching as possible for free. So I careted this online community.

Inside you will find long-form content, community forums, mini courses and longer courses (that I used to sell for $1000) all for free!

My mission is to provide robust mental health resources for folks who can’t access them otherwise and my commitment is to give 90% of everything I create there away for free!

So come join - its a no-brainer. We want you there, we want to you engage and we want to learn from you.

Follow the link below to join!

ATTUNEMENT COLLECTIVE

Thank you!

I love that you are interested in exploring yourself in the pursuit of growth and expansion. 

And I love that you are diving deeper into the unconscious patterns that limit our capacity as a species to transcend this paradigm. 

You are becoming the change you want to see in the world and that is incredibly inspiring!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey ✨✨

With Love,

Christian

Raise your consciousness - change the world.

Exploring the human condition — breaking down the blockages that limit our capacity to give and receive love.