Time Horizons and Anxiety

Exploring the human condition. Wisdom to turn pain, trauma, and the human experience into opportunities for growth, purpose, and meaning

Sometimes reverent, sometimes rowdy. This newsletter is beholden to my whims and ever changing interests.

Issue 22 - Read Time: 5 Minutes 14 Seconds

The Problem With Time

Time is a tricky mistress. At the root of our relationship with time is a deep existential knowing that one day our time will run out. And often that relationship lies dormant in the deep recesses of our unconscious, yet it still dictates our behavior.

I notice in myself and many of my clients that much of our anxiety is rooted in our relationship to time. I want to explore that concept this week and offer some insights on how to make this relationship more conscious. I also want to share how I have further integrated a healthier relationship to time.

This week you will get:

The existential concern

Understanding time horizons

Ways to change your relationship to time

The Existential Fear of Death

Whether you are conscious of it or not, the existential knowledge that you will die is a critical component of your life choices. After all, if we did not have to worry about this game ending, why would we feel rushed to get anything done?

Obviously, this plays a HUGE part in our relationship to time. And we are often caught rushing because we are in a hurry to get to the next thing.

But have you ever paused and asked yourself why that is?

Have you ever sat down and seriously considered that everything you are doing will end one day?

That you will die. Over time, every person who ever knew you will die. And thus, your memory is lost to time, and you were but dust in the wind on the cosmic time scale.

It sounds pretty intense when I put it that way huh?

But I want to suggest that this knowing is deep in your unconscious mind. And if you do not make this knowing conscious, it will rule your life in all kinds of silly ways.

Rushing (Our day to day)

Let's break this down into a couple of different categories.

I think of these as short-, mid-, and long-term relationships to time. The first is our day-to-day, the second is monthly to yearly, and the third operates in decades.

The first is the day-to-day way we move through life.

If you are anything like me, then you frequently catch yourself rushing.

Now, that might be for a variety of reasons. Maybe you struggle with time management, are disorganized, are obsessed with efficiency, and like to get done as much as possible, or perhaps you haven't thought about it at all and just end up rushing!

Regardless of the reason, the same thing is happening in your nervous system.

You are creating a hyperaroused state that fires up your sympathetic nervous system and mirrors the way your body responds to trauma and stress.

This is why chronic stress is so damaging to the body. You are keeping your foot on the gas and expending TONS of energy to maintain this aroused fight-or-flight state.

If you have experienced this, then you know it is exhausting.

Mid Term (Arbitrary Horizon's and Expectations)

I want to introduce this idea of arbitrary time horizons and how we relate to the mid-level time lengths.

I can't tell you how many clients come into session and say, "I just feel like I should be further ahead."

Or, "I just didn't get enough done last week, and I don't feel good about it."

Both of these sentiments are influenced by an unexamined relationship to time.

I observe that people, especially men in professional settings, have completely arbitrary time horizons for what they want to accomplish.

They look around at other people who may or may not be their same age, who may or may not have the same desired outcomes, and latch on to one thing they do not have and use that as evidence that they are "so far behind."

When I start challenging people to examine that belief, it becomes clear quickly that there was not much thought put into that.

It's just an arbitrary checkpoint grabbed onto unconsciously.

And I get it. Due to social media and constant access to information, we are bombarded with highlight reels of people's lives. It's very easy to latch on to someone's highlight and create a comparison.

But fundamentally, it's inaccurate and not based on reality.

Long term (10-Year Thinking)

The last bucket of time relationships operates on a larger scale and is measured in 5-10 years.

I am still relatively early in my career. Most of my colleagues are older than me and consider me the "young guy."

But even with that moniker, I am fast approaching my 10th year in the mental/behavioral health world.

And to be honest with you. I have JUST BARELY finished building a large enough foundation with enough context to start the next phase of mastery.

Which I expect to take another 10 years at least.

This experience has been sobering.

It has forced me to reconsider my relationship with gratification and required me to continually affirm my commitment to the process, not the outcome.

I have entirely shifted how I relate to time in the long term and become more patient with the slow, plodding course.

Which is mirrored in nature. Think of the tree growing, the flower blooming, or the freaking GRAND CANYON taking 60+ MILLION years to form.

The point is that development is slow. And if you can find peace in that slowness, you will be alright.

Another idea I recently heard is that what you think you can do in a month will probably take a year. What you think you can do in a year will take three, What you think you can do in three will take five, and what you think you can do in five will take ten.

So what do I do?

The answer is pretty simple.

Across the board, whether it's short, mid, or long-term, the answer is usually the same.

SLOW DOWN.....

And that is for a lot of reasons.

In the short term, slowing down will calm your nervous system and allow you to access the natural dopamine created by completed tasks.

In the mid-term, it will force you to confront your arbitrary time horizons and comparisons and reorient them toward reality.

In the long term, it will require you to commit to the process simply for the sake of your sanity.

And committing to a process instead of an outcome will change your life.

It will frame your journey through life with a beginner's mindset, a readiness to learn, and a commitment to personal growth.

Slowing down will also require you to confront discomfort. It will create windows for you to think and feel.

It will open you up. And it might even expose you to the existential fear that time is running out.

Thank You!

I love that you are interested in exploring yourself in the pursuit of growth and expansion.

And I love that you are diving deeper into the unconscious patterns that limit our capacity as a species to transcend this paradigm.

You are becoming the change you want to see in the world and that is incredibly inspiring!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey ✨✨

With Love,

Christian