🍄🌀 The Attunement Newsletter 🌀🍄

Raise your consciousness - change the world.

Exploring the human condition — breaking down the blockages that limit our capacity to give and receive love.

Issue 30 - Read Time: 5 Minutes 01 Seconds

Needs & Why They Matter

How many times has someone asked you, “Well, what do you need?”

You sit there, scanning your mind and body, searching for an answer, and all you can come up with is… “I don’t know.” 🙋

I’ve experienced this so many times myself, and I see it come up for my clients all the time, too. Somehow, the ability to tap into our needs can feel like an impossible quest. We know the need is there, but figuring out how to access it and articulate it? That’s another story entirely.

And while this is such a common experience, I don’t believe it has to stay this way.

In my own life, I’ve noticed that when I’m connected to my needs, everything flows more easily. There’s a sense of clarity and alignment that transforms how I move through the world. And I’ve seen the same happen for others when they learn how to reconnect with this vital part of themselves.

So today, I want to explore this challenge—and more importantly, how we can work with it.

This newsletter will cover:

1. Understanding the cycle (emotions → feelings → needs → communication)

2. An example of attuning to this cycle

3. A free resource to help guide you through this process

Understanding the Cycle

Let’s dive into the powerful interplay between emotions, feelings, needs, and communication—four interconnected pieces that shape our internal and external worlds. Understanding how these elements work together can help us navigate our emotions more effectively and connect with our needs in a meaningful way.

Emotions: The Initial Spark

Emotions arise in our bodies first, triggered by biochemical and electrical signals designed to grab our attention. These signals let us know that something important is happening, whether it’s a sense of danger, joy, sadness, or something else entirely.

At their core, emotions are action-oriented. They evolved to help us respond to our environment, whether that means running from a threat, moving toward something we desire, or signaling to others that we need support. Emotions are primal—they happen before we even have time to consciously process them.

Feelings: The Narrative We Create

Feelings come next. While emotions are raw data, feelings are how we relate to that data. They’re shaped by the stories we tell ourselves, our past experiences, and the judgments or acceptance we attach to what’s happening inside us.

For example, the emotion of fear might arise in response to a loud noise. But the feeling might vary:

• If you tell yourself, “That noise was just the wind,” you might feel calm.

• If you think, “I’m unsafe,” you might spiral into anxiety.

Feelings are deeply personal and subjective. They color the way we interpret emotions, often adding complexity to what started as a simple biological signal.

Needs: The Root of It All

At the heart of emotions and feelings lies a need. Every emotion points to something we care about, whether it’s a need for safety, connection, autonomy, or something else. Emotions are designed to create action that helps us meet these needs, but here’s where things often get tricky.

Feelings, with all their narratives and judgments, can muddy the waters. Instead of recognizing the need our emotion is pointing toward, we might get stuck in resistance or confusion. For example:

• The emotion of anger might be pointing to a need for fairness or respect.

• The emotion of sadness might signal a need for comfort or connection.

But if we don’t pause to explore the underlying need, we might stay stuck in the feeling itself—judging it, avoiding it, or acting out in ways that don’t serve us.

Why This Matters

When we can untangle this interplay and trace our emotions and feelings back to their underlying needs, we gain clarity and agency. Instead of being swept away by our emotional experience, we can respond intentionally—whether that’s meeting the need ourselves or asking for support from others.

This process of attunement is simple in theory but takes practice. The more we tune into this cycle, the more we can align our actions with what truly matters to us, creating more ease and connection in our lives.

An Example

So picture this. You’re in a team meeting at work. Your manager critiques your recent project in front of everyone. While their feedback is constructive, it feels pointed. Immediately, you feel a wave of heat rise in your face, your chest tightens, and your stomach drops.

This is shame—your body’s way of signaling that your sense of worth or belonging feels threatened.

As the meeting continues, your thoughts start spinning:

• “I’m so bad at my job.”

• “Everyone thinks I’m incompetent.”

These are your feelings, the judgments you’re placing on the raw emotion of shame. They amplify the discomfort and make it harder to see what’s really going on beneath the surface.

But if you pause and reflect, you realize the shame is pointing to something deeper: a need for validation and respect. The critique, given in front of your peers, touched on your desire to feel competent and valued.

With this clarity, you have options. You can address the need internally by reminding yourself, “This feedback doesn’t define my worth. It’s an opportunity to grow.” Or you might address it externally by approaching your manager after the meeting:

• “I appreciate your feedback, but I felt embarrassed when it was shared in front of the team. Could we discuss feedback one-on-one in the future?”

By recognizing the cycle—emotion → feeling → need → communication—you move from reacting in the moment to responding intentionally. Shame, once overwhelming, becomes a guide to what matters most: your connection to yourself and your values.

A Free Resource

This process is genuinely transformative. I truly believe that if more of us committed to regularly attuning to our emotions and needs, we could create profound change—not just in our own lives, but in the world around us.

To support this effort, I’ve created a free resource to help you deepen your practice. The Self-Attunement Playbook goes beyond the ideas shared in this newsletter, offering step-by-step guidance and a daily practice to make this habit part of your life.

It’s free, it’s accessible, and it’s here whenever you’re ready to start. If this resonates with you, I invite you to check it out and take the first step toward greater emotional clarity and connection.

You can also type this into your browser to access it: www.bit.ly/selfattunement

Need More Support?

If you feel like you want some extra support here are some ways Attunement and I can help you:

1. Individual therapy or coaching with a provider at our clinic (In-Person or Virtual Offering)

2. How to Feel Your Feelings Course and Community (Virtual Offering)

Thank you!

I love that you are interested in exploring yourself in the pursuit of growth and expansion. 

And I love that you are diving deeper into the unconscious patterns that limit our capacity as a species to transcend this paradigm. 

You are becoming the change you want to see in the world and that is incredibly inspiring!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey ✨✨

With Love,

Christian