The Power of Curiosity

Exploring the human condition and finding wisdom to turn pain, trauma, and the human experience into opportunities for growth, purpose, and meaning

Sometimes reverent, sometimes rowdy. This newsletter is beholden to my whims and ever changing interests.

Issue 25 - Read Time: 6 Minutes 38 Seconds

The Nervous System and the Mind/Body Connection

I talk a lot about curiosity with my clients; it is arguably the most important quality and determinant of change. If you can stay curious you can change. So today, I will offer you a simple formula for practicing curiosity.

Today, you will get the following:

Recap of why curiosity is required for change

The curiosity formula

Putting it together

Why Curiosity Matter

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

- Carl Rogers

The good old Carl Rogers quote that I say 100 times a week. And yet - it never gets old.

Carl Rogers is arguably the most versed psychotherapist on the human process of change. And this quote, while so simple, encapsulates everything you need to know about changing your life.

It all comes down to acceptance, and the path to acceptance is found through curiosity.

We must realize that we are creating an internal dead-end when we judge ourselves. There is no place for energy to move and for transformation to take place.

Judgment leads to shame, which is the most stifling, stagnating energy. We can not grow when we are immersed in shame.

Curiosity is the antidote to all of this. When we learn to get curious, we create new pathways within our psyche to relate to ourselves and our story and, therefore, make changes.

Curiosity moves you toward acceptance, reclaims energy, and empowers you to become who and what you want.

How to get Curious

One of the main reasons psychotherapy is helpful for people is because it is a setting where we can get deeply curious about an experience. If the psychotherapist is good at their job, they use curiosity to reflect on the experience so the client can feel compassion toward themselves and their behavior.

So, in that vain, here is a helpful formula to get curious about yourself.

1) Identify the Emotion

Typically, unwanted and uncomfortable emotions are the path inward. We start by noticing what we are feeling.

Look at the feelings wheel below to see some common examples of emotions that create energy in the psyche.

Once you have identified the emotion, ask yourself, "What does that feel like in my body?"

2) Identify the Sensation

This is a REALLY IMPORTANT piece because sensations are deeply tied to unconscious thoughts and experiences. When we attune to the sensational experience, we often find that we have a whole host of memories and experiences tied to that sensation.

3) Explore the Thought/Feeling (Mind/Body) Connection

You will find that when you identify the emotion and the sensation, you also form thoughts and beliefs about those emotions and sensations.

When that starts happening, you have an opportunity to sit with those thoughts and ask yourself why they are coming up.

For example, let's say you identify that fear is present. You follow that into your body, and you notice a familiar pit in your stomach.

You sit with that feeling and realize that this pit brings up deeper feelings of rejection. You now start to have the thought, "No one is going to be there for me. Everyone leaves."

BAM! You have found a thought by tracing a sensation.

And the important thing here is that these connections are often unconscious. If you don't pause long enough to notice you will miss that the sensation and the thought are connected.

When a feeling in the body leads to a thought in the mind, we call that bottom-up activation.

Now, sometimes thoughts come first, and they lead to a feeling in the body. We call that top-down.

When you pay attention, you will get very attuned to the differences between top-down and bottom-up activation. Again, this is incredibly important because giving you insight into all the ways your feelings and thoughts are connected.

In these moments, we are practicing CURIOSITY and learning about ourselves.

4) A Window Into the Past

Once you have all this information (emotion, sensation, thought/feeling connection), take that and ask yourself, "When have I experienced this in the past?"

This is an incredibly powerful question when we embody curiosity with a non-judgmental attitude.

We are going back in time to understand when and how these feelings and beliefs are linked directly to experiences that get stored in our unconscious.

Spoiler alert: most of the unconscious experiences we find are rooted in our developmental years; ages 0-18.

This is where so much content gets stored, and it comes up frequently when we face uncomfortable experiences.

5) How Did This Help Me?

Okay, by now, we have found the emotion and the sensation, explored the thought/feeling loop, and dropped into the annals of time...

Now it is time to get as non-judgmental as possible and to ask

"How has this feeling and reaction to this feeling (way of being) helped me in the past?"

"How has it helped me survive and get to where I am today?"

These two questions are incredibly important because inherent in the inquiry is a recognition that if it didn't work, you wouldn't have done it.

ALL BEHAVIOR IS ADAPTIVE AT SOME POINT.

Now it outgrows its adaptivity but you wouldn't have created that way of coping and being if it didn't solve for something.

If we can get curious and non-judgmental enough, we will find the source of this, and it will magically unlock. Because all it needed was some recognition and acknowledgment that it was trying to help you at some point.

Acceptance of who you are...

Go back and read the Carl Rogers' quote

Quick Recap

Here it is all together:

Identify the Emotion

Identify the Sensation

Explore the Thought/Feeling (Mind/Body) Connection

Explore the Past

Ask - How Did This Help Me?

If you get really good at following this formula, I promise you that the way you relate to your mental and emotional pain will change DRAMATICALLY.

You will recapture all the stuck energy and be able to channel it into the pathway of change.

Give it a try!

And if you take it seriously and notice a change, please tell me what you notice! I would love to continue improving on this process and to do that I need your feedback!

Need More Support?

If you feel like you want some extra support here are some ways Attunement and I can help you:

1. Individual therapy or coaching with a provider at our clinic (In-Person or Virtual Offering)

2. How to Feel Your Feelings Course and Community (Virtual Offering)

3. October Desert Intensive located in central/southern UT (In-Person Offering)

Thank You!

I love that you are interested in exploring yourself in the pursuit of growth and expansion.

And I love that you are diving deeper into the unconscious patterns that limit our capacity as a species to transcend this paradigm.

You are becoming the change you want to see in the world and that is incredibly inspiring!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey ✨✨

With Love,

Christian