The Mind/Body Connection

Exploring the human condition and finding wisdom to turn pain, trauma, and the human experience into opportunities for growth, purpose, and meaning

Sometimes reverent, sometimes rowdy. This newsletter is beholden to my whims and ever changing interests.

Issue 24 - Read Time: 6 Minutes 38 Seconds

The Nervous System and the Mind/Body Connection

The Western medical system is increasingly embracing the importance of the mind/body connection. This is seen through the emergence of works like The Body Keeps the Score and treatment modalities like Somatic Experiencing or Polyvagal theory.

We are finally waking up and recognizing that the body is integral to any healing process. If we do not bring the body back in to find the sensational experience of living, we are working against ourselves.

As much as the ego wants to believe it can change the experience through sheer force of will, it is not equipped to deal with psychosomatic symptoms. In fact, they almost run counter to each other because the ego constantly seeks comfort and security and is more than happy to lie to you in that pursuit.

The body, however, can not lie.

So today, we will get a bit more focused on understanding what is meant when we say "Mind/Body Connection." You will get better acquainted with your nervous system and how to work with it by exploring the following:

What is a "clear" nervous system?

The nervous system's effect on behavior

Doing it differently

Mental/Emotional Plumbing

Let's start by imagining your nervous system as a tube or a pipe. If you have a lot of emotional build-up due to unresolved trauma, chronic stress, lack of sleep, poor nutrition, etc., then it is difficult for emotional energy to move through the tube.

Like the plumbing in your house, when build-up happens, the flow stops, and if it gets bad enough, it might explode out of the pipe and move sideways. (Which is the emotional equivalent of lashing out at people, destroying relationships, and engaging in other destructive behaviors.)

If we start to develop too much emotional build-up, we begin to develop chronic health issues because the flow has nowhere to go, so it stores up in the body and makes you sick. A "clear" nervous system is a system that is capable of letting emotional energy move through it.

It does not mean that you won't feel anxious, sad, depressed, desperate, stressed, neglected, etc. It means they don't get stuck when those emotions move into your body. They flow through you, and they have an outlet.

So, is it possible to get to a point where you don't feel things? Absolutely not.

Is it possible to feel things and to feel things deeply without them hijacking your behavior in ways that don't align with your highest and best self? YES - that is possible. And, dare I say it, the goal.

Clogged Pipes = Unwanted Behavior

Emotionally challenging or traumatic experiences get stored in your nervous system. They enter the database of threatening experiences. Your nervous system (body) remembers so that it can forecast the future and know how to respond the next time it encounters this threat.

And it is so damn good at remembering that it finds threats even when they don't exist or aren't happening at that moment.

This is why we begin to behave in ways that don't make sense given the situation. The feeling inside the body is so visceral and real that we get hijacked by the response. It's like an autonomous force has taken over, and we are no longer in control.

An Example:

Let's use a common relational example to demonstrate this concept.

Imagine that David is in a relationship with Sara, and David has an anxious attachment style.

David has this attachment style because his caregivers were not there for them in his developmental years.

David's parents were utterly unreliable, did not show consistent love & affection, and did not meet his needs for food, shelter, or survival.

In this environment, David began questioning if relationships would last because his parents, the primary relationship programmed by evolution, were not there.

Henceforth, David's ability to form relationships is rooted in his fear that the "other" will not show up.

This fear is wired into his nervous system. So, every time he begins to form a close relationship with someone else, his nervous system remembers the experience of abandonment.

And he begins to see that experience happening in real-time because it is happening in his body.

This is one of the most essential points here.

Even if it is not happening in the relationship with Sara, it is happening because it is happening in his body.

And if it is happening in his body, then it is real because it is the FELT SENSE state of his existence.

He believes that he has been or will be abandoned by Sara because his body is telling him so.

So, he begins to see signs of abandonment at every twist and turn.

Sara didn't text me back fast enough. She must be leaving.

She was subdued in our last conversation. She is bored with me and is going to end this.

She was late for a date. She did it on purpose because she was preparing to leave.

The whole experience gets shaped by the internal felt sense experience. So now, because his body tells him he is being abandoned, he begins to behave as if he is!

He lashes out at Sara, tries to convince her to stay closer to him, and repeatedly makes her promise that she isn't going anywhere, increasing the intensity of his behaviors and creating an environment where Sara feels trapped.

In real-time, he is creating his biggest fear because his body believes it's happening.

Feeling overwhelmed by the situation, Sara decides it is too much for her and ends the relationship.

And just like that, David once again lived into his biggest fear and validated what his body believed was always happening.

Why Did This Happen?

Remember, we have a nervous system programmed to react to threats so that it can PROTECT US.

So judging that protective mechanism is one of the sillier thing you can do.

Unfortunately, that is where most people go because they feel so helpless and judging feels like you are at least doing something, right?

Well let me tell you this. Judging is the most sure fired way to stay stuck.

Because judgment lacks curiosity. And if there is no curiosity there is no energy available for change.

So what's the alternative?

A New Approach

First, you must shift your mindset and say, "I am no longer trying to avoid uncomfortable nervous states; I am going to welcome them and use them as opportunities."

When you fully embrace this mindset shift, you prepare yourself for the ultimate in experiential education and personal growth.

You have now paved the way for you to become curious about dysregulated states.

So, let's imagine David taking this approach with Sara.

David texted Sara several hours ago, but she has yet to respond. Having decided to approach this situation with curiosity, David begins to notice a tightness in his chest.

As he observes that tightness, he notices that it expands into his tummy and creates a sensation of nausea. He continues to sit with these feelings and notices that he is questioning his worth.

He notices that these sensations elicit thoughts that say, "You aren't lovable. She is leaving you. You are stupid, and you screwed this relationship up just like all the others."

Because David has been practicing, he finds that he can sit with these thoughts even though they are harsh!

He continues to notice the sensations, sit with his thoughts, and calm himself by breathing slowly.

Pretty quickly, he notices that the sensations are fading, the thoughts are going away, and he can recognize all the evidence that Sara is not going anywhere.

As soon as he recognizes that, she texts him back, and all the feelings go away.

Questions to Consider

Once you have mastered the mindset that nervous system states are learning opportunities, you can run through the following questions each time you get activated.

I am getting dysregulated; what am I feeling? Identify the sensations in your body. Get as specific and detailed as possible.

When have I felt this way before?

When I feel this way, what does it make me believe about myself?

What is the story I am telling that validates this feeling?

What do I believe this feeling says about me and my worth?

Is it my expectation to never feel this way?

What impulsive and compulsive behaviors do I have to cope with this behavior?

What do I want to do that is OUTSIDE OF MYSELF to help manage this feeling?

What do I ask of others directly or indirectly to help me manage this feeling?

What do I believe will happen if I don't make this feeling go away?

Thank You!

I love that you are interested in exploring yourself in the pursuit of growth and expansion.

And I love that you are diving deeper into the unconscious patterns that limit our capacity as a species to transcend this paradigm.

You are becoming the change you want to see in the world and that is incredibly inspiring!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey ✨✨

With Love,

Christian