Healing is Subtractive, Not Additive

Issue 38 - Read Time: 2 minutes 57 seconds

What if a lot of you’ve been doing to heal is actually keeping you stuck?

We tend to think healing is about adding more—more tools, more insights, more knowledge. We collect coping mechanisms like armor, believing they’ll protect us.

But what if all that collecting is actually reinforcing the very patterns we’re trying to escape?

The truth is, healing often isn’t about acquiring—it’s about removing.

Michelangelo and the Art of Subtraction

When Michelangelo was asked how he created David, he said he simply removed everything that wasn’t David. The sculpture was already there—his job was to chip away the excess.

That’s healing.

Most of us aren’t lacking something we need to go find. We’re buried under layers of conditioning, defense mechanisms, and inherited beliefs that keep us from our real selves.

Growth isn’t about stacking more on top—it’s about chiseling away what isn’t you.

And that process? It’s uncomfortable. It requires stripping away what you thought was necessary.

Why “Adding More” Can Keep You Stuck

I’ve seen people (and maybe you’ve been here too) spend years collecting tools, reading books, going to therapy—only to feel just as stuck as before.

Why? Because sometimes healing isn’t about adding more. It’s about letting go.

Gabor Maté, in The Myth of Normal, reminds us that being “normal” in a dysfunctional society isn’t a virtue.

Yet, so many of us try to “fix” ourselves by adopting more strategies to function within that dysfunction.

We read another book. Try another framework. Add another coping skill. But if we’re just reinforcing the same conditioned self, we’re not healing—we’re decorating the cage.

Healing is uncomfortable because it demands subtraction—letting go of what you’ve built to survive and seeing who you are without it.

Why Subtracting Feels So Hard

Letting go isn’t easy. We cling to our stories, our coping mechanisms, and our identities because they feel like us. Even when they cause suffering, they’re familiar.

But here’s the thing: You are not your coping mechanisms. You are not your trauma responses. You are not the mask you wear to be accepted.

Imagine carrying a heavy coat you don’t need. You’ve worn it so long, you’ve forgotten it’s not your skin.

Taking it off feels strange—maybe even wrong. But the weight isn’t who you are. You were always the one carrying it.

So ask yourself:

What have I mistaken for myself that is actually just something I’ve been carrying?

How to Start Subtracting

The real opportunity isn’t just to drop a habit or a belief—it’s to see what you’ve been hiding underneath all the coping.

• What emotions are buried deep that you regulate away with deep breathing?

• What relational patterns keep showing up in your life, but you avoid facing them because you can journal them away?

• Where have your “healing tools” become ways to sidestep discomfort rather than move through it?

This week, don’t just reach for a coping strategy—pause.

Instead of deep breathing, sit with the discomfort. Instead of intellectualizing, feel what’s actually there. Instead of journaling your way around a hard truth, have the hard conversation.

The goal isn’t to take away all tools—it’s to stop using them to avoid the thing that actually needs your attention.

Final Thought

Healing isn’t about becoming something new. It’s about returning to what you were before the world told you who to be.

You don’t need more. You need less.

And when you let go of what isn’t you, you might just realize you’ve been whole all along.

Need More Support?

If you feel like you want some extra support here are some ways Attunement and I can help you:

1. Individual therapy or coaching with a provider at our clinic (in-person or virtual)

2. May 1-5 Attuned Being Desert Intensive (In-person - San Rafael Swell - Central Utah)

Thank you!

I love that you are interested in exploring yourself in the pursuit of growth and expansion. 

And I love that you are diving deeper into the unconscious patterns that limit our capacity as a species to transcend this paradigm. 

You are becoming the change you want to see in the world and that is incredibly inspiring!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey ✨✨

With Love,

Christian

Raise your consciousness - change the world.

Exploring the human condition — breaking down the blockages that limit our capacity to give and receive love.