Guilt is a Complex Emotion Part 2

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Issue 15 // Read Time: 4 Minutes 58 Seconds 

Guilt Is A Complex Emotion Part 2

Alright, so last week we got into the different types of guilt. Authentic guild, as a form of responsibility. Inauthentic guilt as a defense against angst, and existential guilt. 

We are now going to talk about what we do with that, and how discerning which type you feel gives you freedom to move through it!

Today you will get:

The Necessity of Guilt

Working With Authentic Guilt

Working With Inauthentic Guilt

Working With Existential Guilt

The Necessity of Guilt

Let's start with a broad acknowledgment that to be human is to feel guilt.

We get into a trap if we believe that feeling guilty is something we can avoid.

Guilt is a close cousin to risk aversion, anxiety, and angst; all of these will be companions on our road of trials.

When we fall into the trap of creating an anxiety and guilt-free life, we fall into an unsolvable dilemma and an infinity loop of futility.

Ironically, when we unconsciously seek that, we get even more anxious. Because something inside of us knows this is an impossible task, yet we still try and do it.

I caught myself in this trap last week while looking for a path forward with my business that did not subject me to risk.

It was an "ah-ha" moment when I realized any path forward worth taking would force me to confront risk.

Guilt holds a similar energy.

It's not about not feeling it. It's about identifying, sorting, and addressing it based on its type.

Working With Authentic Guilt

You can think of authentic guilt as something akin to positive stress or eustress.

Authentic guilt is a helpful catalyst for bringing us closer to the person we want to be.

It is like a calling card, asking you to show up more responsibly, empathically, and present.

The first thing to do when feeling guilt is to ask yourself, "Is this feeling asking me to be more expansive or diminished?"

Said another way, "Is this asking me to grow as a person or to shrink myself?"

If the answer is growth and expansion, this is authentic guilt and deserves your attention.

So what might cause you guilt but call you toward growth?

Here are a few:

Situations that challenge your perception of your ego.Situations that ask you to find humility.Situations where making it "right" will uplift another person.Situations where accountability brings you into contact with more parts of yourself.

If these are the internal experiences happening for you, then lean in. This guilt is good. It is a positive stressor, and reconciling it will lead you to an upward cycle of growth and expansion.

Working With Inauthentic Guilt

Okay, so far, we understand authentic guilt = good.

Inauthentic guilt = VERY bad.

(This is a simplification, of course, but the dichotomy is helpful as a framework.)

This is the type of guilt that requires you to shrink yourself. To get smaller and lose the parts of yourself that want a voice.

Inauthentic guilt is almost always a response to some form of angst or anxiety and is developed as a protective response in our developmental years.

So, what does inauthentic guilt look like?

One of the most common ways this shows up is in the ability to say "no."

Many of us don't realize that if we can't say no, it is because we begin to feel EXTREMELY guilty.

So we start saying yes to everything, our boundaries and sense of self dissolve, and we begin to resent the people around us.

One of the primary reasons this happens is because, in our developmental years, were conditioned to people please or take care of those around us.

This required us to always say "yes" and to put aside our misgivings if the "yes" did not align with our truth.

Another primary example of this shows up when we examine our relationship with anger.

Many of us never have a healthy example of anger, so we learn to believe that anger threatens our relationships.

So, any time we start to feel anger, guilt quickly follows on the heels of that, and we suppress the anger.

It gets stuck, and we never learn to express it. Instead, it becomes guilt, the anger gets turned inward, and we again lose more contact with our authentic expression.

The Diminishing Effect of Inauthentic Guilt

So you can see in those examples how inauthentic guilt requires us to put aside our truth and acquiesce, caretake, or people please those around us.

It requires us to become SMALLER so that the people around us can feel okay.

This diminishing effect keeps us stuck. And we misinterpret feelings of guilt as doing something wrong.

Working through this type of guilt requires you to welcome the feelings of guilt and release the notion that it is an indicator of doing right or wrong.

Below are some very POTENT journal questions that will bring you into contact with inauthentic guilt.

If you feel called to journal on these prompts, please share your answers with me, and let's have a dialogue! I am very curious how these show up in your life!

In my life's important areas, what am I not saying no to?How does my inability to say no impact my life?What bodily signals have I been overlooking? What symptoms have I been ignoring that could be warning signs were I to pay conscious attention?What is the hidden story behind my inability to say no?Where did I learn these stories?Where have I ignored or denied the "yes" that wanted to be said?

Working With Existential Guilt

Lastly, we have existential guilt

This is my personal favorite because it is SO HUMAN.

Existential guilt is essentially the human condition. The knowledge that by existing, you are harming others.

By eating food, you are killing plants and animals.

By living, you are consuming precious resources and taking them from the earth.

By being human, you are complicit in the suffering of others, and that is unavoidable.

This sounds quite heavy, I know, and it is. But it MUST be confronted to become a fully actualized and integrated human being.

To get in contact with existential guilt, I encourage you to study myth. To learn about archetypes. To watch films, read books, and watch TV with ambiguous characters who are difficult to discern.

These depictions bring you closer to the shadow of the human experience and force you to acknowledge that you are neither good nor bad but somewhere in the middle.

And that is what it means to be a human.

Thank You!

I love that you are interested in exploring yourself in the pursuit of growth and expansion. 

And I love that you are diving deeper into the unconscious patterns that limit our capacity as a species to transcend this paradigm. 

You are becoming the change you want to see in the world and that is incredibly inspiring!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey ✨✨

With Love,

Christian