Enlargement vs. Diminishment

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Issue 12 // Read Time: 3 Minutes 30 Seconds

Enlargement vs. Diminishment

Making decisions is hard. Especially life-altering decisions like having children, getting married, moving to a new place, taking a new job, or anything else that disrupts the comfort of our created lives.

Very often, in these decisions, we use ineffective or misguided heuristics. We are basing decisions on happiness, reputation, comfort and security.

Today, I offer you different criteria. Instead of using the guiding forces above, ask this simple question. "Will this enlarge or diminish me?"

Today, we will dive into that framework and better understand how to use it as a guiding principle.

Today, you will get:

How to ego's quest for security influences decisions

The necessity of doubt

Why enlargement vs. diminishment is such a valuable decision making framework

Decisions Based on Security & Comfort

One of the ego's primary roles is to create a feeling of security and comfort in your life. It does this by convincing you that you have control of the unconrtollable

The ego's seductive ways make you believe you can accurately predict every twist and turn the Fates have in store.

Unfortunately, this is an illusion.

If you do not recognize this, you are continually bound by the ego's defense mechanisms displayed through avoidance, denial, and conformity.

Stepping into a more conscious life means recognizing the ego for what it is and acknowledging how you feed this futile drive for ego security.

Moving beyond this paradigm requires letting go and entertaining more fear and doubt than is typically comfortable.

But when you consciously say to your ego, "Okay, Sergeant Security, okay, Deputy Comfort, I appreciate your help, but I'm ready to meet the Mistress of Doubt," things become easier.

Meeting the Mistress of Doubt

Doubt is a necessary fuel for change and, therefore, growth.

When doubt enters the picture, our long-held ego-based ideas are subjected to the actual test of their validity.

They are confronted by the possibility that perhaps we don't know.

We get to ask ourselves the questions we were previously afraid to ask because doubting made the ego uncomfortable.

We may ask,

"What actually makes me happy? Is it the continued acting out of my conditioning?"

Or

"Have I made decisions for me, from my soul? Or for my reputation? The pursuit of happiness? My familial obligations and expectations?

Any time we come into contact with these questions. The ego is forced to reconcile with what it believes to be true and perhaps entertain some doubt.

We have freed up some of that psychic energy and can channel that into growth.

A New Paradigm of Decision Making

So, let's throw out the faulty, ego-based notion that we can outwit Fate to ensure happiness, security, and comfort.

And replace it with a more realistic and grounded metric: Meaning.

Instead of asking, "Will this make me happy?"

We ask, "Will this bring me closer to who I want to be? Will it provide meaning over the long haul?"

The Ultimate Question, "Will This Enlarge or Diminish Me?"

Jungian analyst, James Hollis gives us this beautiful heuristic for decision making,

“Ask yourself of every dilemma, every choice, every relationship, every commitment, or every failure to commit: Does this choice diminish me, or enlarge me?”

This is the ultimate question because we’re terrible at predicting what will make us happy.

The happiness question quickly gets bogged down in our narrow preferences for security and control. 

But the enlargement question elicits a more profound, intuitive response. 

You tend to know whether leaving or remaining in a relationship or a job, though it might bring short-term comfort, would mean cheating yourself of growth. 

You know if the security provided by your current job is suffocating your Soul and requiring you to sacrifice the larger dreams your heart desires.

Enlargement will often require discomfort, tons of doubt, and a fear of the unknown, but these feelings are a requirement for growth. 

Diminishment will keep you small, safe, comfortable, and stagnant. 

So the next time you have a big decision to make. Pause. Check-in with your heart and Soul, and see which path will enlarge you. 

Once you identify that, see if you can be brave and go for it. Your Soul will thank you, and you will become the light you want to see in the world. 

Thank You!

I love that you are interested in exploring yourself in the pursuit of growth and expansion. 

And I love that you are diving deeper into the unconscious patterns that limit our capacity as a species to transcend this paradigm. 

You are becoming the change you want to see in the world and that is incredibly inspiring!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey ✨✨

With Love,

Christian